And then I didn't make the basketball team.

Today I exercised.  3 miles on the elliptical thingy (it's different than an elliptical... but I'm not sure what it was).  Yay!  I should rejoice... but I can't help thinking "uh, okay really, how long will this going to the gym thing last... and what is it exactly that will eventually stop me from going?"  I don't think I just get "busy or lazy or..." when I skip out on the gym.  It's deeper.

It's always something deeper.

I believe in this statement.  It never fails to explain people.  The things people say.  The things people do.  The insecurities people have.  I think it is because of something that has happened to them in the past.  It isn't necessarily something extreme, but it's something that made an impact on them at a certain time in their life.  If someone doesn't like sharing things that belong to them, maybe it was because they were pushed around when they were younger.  If someone constantly wants the attention to be on them, maybe it's because they felt ignored by their parents.  

I have MANY issues in my life.  You can laugh, but really, I think we all do.  It's okay.  We will never be perfect on this earth.  Something in my life that could be explained by saying "it's something deeper" is working out.  I think I could throw all things athletic into that category.  Basically, I used to think I liked sports.  I wore the Nike shorts, bought the oversized shirts, wore the tall socks and pretended I knew about pro sports teams.  I thought it was who I was.  I tried to define myself by this.  In the 4th grade.  hahaha Yeah.  

Then, in the 7th grade I tried out for the basketball team.  It was a time when I could actually play on a real team.  I was very excited and I remember thinking "finally! I can play a real sport on a real team..." but you see, I didn't make it.  And it hurt me.  My confidence was gone. 

This still messes with me today.  I don't typically think back to the 7th grade when I dread going to the gym, but I do know that there are lots of negative feelings associated with working out because I didn't make the team.  This is my "something deeper."  

Now, not everyone remembers things that happened to them way back when and not many associate one particular event with another.  I'm a rather sensitive soul. I would even say I'm an over-sensitive soul, but don't tell me that because I might cry. haha

Call me crazy, but when I go into the gym to work-out I have this major insecurity that comes out.  I seriously think through all this stuff: I don't belong here, everyone here is in shape, people are wondering about my life and why I'm in the gym.  STUPID STUFF. But, if I'm honest, all that crap goes through my head.  I think if I'm going to keep exercising and "training" for a half marathon (remember, I'm not running one, Kendall is), I have to get over this. Here are some truth reminders for myself.  

1. Low pride is a real thing.  I think Dr. Duvall preached on this once.  It hits home in my life.  The idea behind low pride is that you feel that everyone is thinking about you and watching you and judging what you're doing.  You believe that people are consumed with you.  Let me remind you (speaking to myself): they're not.  They really don't care that you just tripped while going up the stairs or that you splashed water in your face at the drinking fountain.  THEY DON'T CARE.  They aren't watching you.  Get over yourself. :) 

2. It's allllllll mental.  Having the right mind-set while working out is great.  Believing that it is possible to work out regularly and maintain a schedule is important.  I also think it's necessary to remember my goals.  I would love to lose weight, but that cannot be the focus.  If that's my focus, I'm going to be let down.  I want to exercise to gain energy.  I want to exercise so I can run! I want to exercise so I can hike!  These are motivators that are positive and proven to happen.  The more you run, they better you'll become.  BAM. 

3. Things take time.  I will not instantly be able to run.  It's not like POOF, now you can run a half marathon (which, I'm not so, it really doesn't matter. hahaha).  I've got to work up to that.  Starting by regularly working out.  I might get discouraged, but I just have to push through and remember the points I'm listing right now. 

4. I'm freaking not alone. God cares about us.  He really does.  He cares about our health.  He is with me when I want to stop.  He provides strength like none other.  He helps us to persevere when we don't see success.  I believe that having discipline in this area of my life with translate to the other areas, as well-- right Ken?

While writing this I realized that although I'm training for a half marathon... that's not actually what I'm writing about.  So, just so we're clear.  Not my focus or goal.  It's really more to run and hike.  I love being outside, but I don't feel confident enough to exercise outside.  I'll work up to that.  

Note: Lecrae's album "Rebel" will PUMP YOU UP.

Mmm! My favorites: "Don't Waste Your Life" and "Go Hard"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RWEllqh5J0

Breaking all the rules...

Sometimes things don't always go as you plan... and sometimes you plan things and then you just don't put forth enough effort to actually get it done. Can I get an amen?

Today the plan was to run/walk 3 miles... buuuut, that didn't exactly happen.  I truly had the best of intentions.  BUT the rec was closed.

Now, I didn't totally forgo exercise today.  No, ma'am.  I went on a walk with my friend Stephanie.  Approximately a 2 mile walk.  Heeeey. If that doesn't mean something, then I don't know what does.

So, maybe I broke some rules.
Am I going to sulk over it? No.  I am going to get over it today and do better tomorrow.

I even made plans to go to the rec so, it's going to happen... because we always follow through with our plans, right? hahaha

Life lesson: something is better than nothing.
(walking 2 miles is better than skipping it all together)

Training for nothing?

Yes, this blog was previously used to share about my experiences in Thailand... BUT Thailand was real life, just like this is real life. So... here is my life today...

I am about to start training for a half marathon.

"Oh, so, like you've been running for a while?"
No...

"Have many races have you ran before?" 
I attempted to run a 5k... a pregnant woman passed me.

"But you've ran more than a mile before, right?" 
No, I don't recall that I have.

These are questions that people have been asking me when I tell them I want to train for a half marathon.  Actually, that's really not true.  These are questions I have been asking myself.  Those thoughts hold doubts and insecurities that I don't understand, but I want to overcome.

Here's another little tid bit of information.  I don't actually plan on running in a real half marathon.  Too much hype.  Too much stress for the heart of Leigha Suzanne Hill.  Unnecessary stress.  I am training for a half marathon to provide me with a goal.  Also, my friend Kendall is training for a legit half marathon and I want to support her. Shout-out to Ken.

GOALS: 
1. I want to have more energy.
2. I want to maintain a more structured life.
3. I want to do something that appears impossible... something that REQUIRES me to rely on the Lord.
4. I want to support my friend, Kendall!  It's always nice to know there is someone else going through what you are... even if it is self induced.

What are my rules?
1. Follow the plan Ken gave me.
2. It's okay to walk.  Just finish it.
3. Drink lots of water. We're not trying to dehydrate.
4. If I miss a day.  I'm going to get over it and move on.
5. Bring scripture with me on notecards. This is real encouragement.
6. Change the rules, if necessary.

Starting tomorrow! 3 miles in the park. Oh, my.

leigha